Lost "Tracey Takes On... Movies" sketch

Here is a portion of a sketch that was written for the episode "Movies" that was cut from the final edit. Enjoy.


19. INT. BIRDIE'S FAMILY ROOM - DAY

She's sitting on a couch off to the side of the room. In the background WE HEAR children's laughter and the muted sound of a television.

BIRDIE
(to camera)
I know ya'll have heard a lot about the V-chip. Well, here in the Godsen household, we have a little something we call the B-chip, and it works quite well. 'B' is for Birdie, and that's me. Here's how it works. I preview every movie with my trusty stopwatch. When I find a part that contradicts my values, I make a note.

The KITCHEN TIMER DINGS. Bridie picks up the remote and starts to cross to the TV.

BIRDIE
(off the timer)
For instance, right now, an inappropriate scene from The Lion King where Simba and his little lioness girlfriend engage in inappropriate underage sex play.

She now stands in front of the TV, blocking the view. WE SEE the backs of four blonde children's heads, and she clicks the remote. We HEAR the squeaky sound of the tape fast forwarding. (Note: Of course, this all has to be shot so we never see or hear the actual movie.)

BIRDIE
So, the B-chip magically fast forwards through the offensive scene.
(to children)
Look at me, children. Don't look at the screen. Heads up. Look up to heaven. Good.

Birdie checks the second hand on her watch.

BIRDIE
Three... two...one -- and back to the movie.

She presses "play" and crosses back to the couch.